Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Well, his initials are B.S

Maybe my in laws knew he was going to be full of it when they named him. I think having the initials of B.S is just perfect for him.

So, to update everyone.

We had a huge credit card in our marriage. We were never spenders, we never had cable or internet or anything fun. But what we did have was a whole lot of medical bills. Mostly mine. Okay, all mine! But when you have the choice of emergency surgery or dying, you take the surgery, even if you don't have medical insurance.

And a lot of the debt was because he had this strange idea that it was okay to drop 4K in to fixing a car that might have been worth 1K, which never made sense to me. But according to him, any car under 20 years old was still young enough to put work in to.

Sooooooo. This huge credit card is all in his name. When we separated (that does not look right but spell check is saying it is) I was paying half of the minimum payment. Until the point where I was tired of him screaming and cussing at me every time I tried to talk to him about it. So I was like, Whatever, my lawyer doesn't think I will have to pay it at all, so go ahead and keep screaming at me! I will stop mailing the checks! And I did.

I suppose it is just a huge coincidence *sarcasm* that he calls my Mom a week and one day before I testify against him in court to tell her that he cashed in his 401K and paid off the bill.

Which is what the lawyer would have made him do anyhow, because half of that 401K was mine anyhow. So him doing that saves me money in having to pay her to do that for me.

But then he asks my Mom to ask me to file taxes with him so he wont have to pay so much. Um, as my chickens would say "Too bad, so sad, sorry about your bad chicken luck!" (I have no idea where AJ got that from, but his Dad is blaming his Mom, but he taught all of the kids to say that and they now think it is hilarious. I added the chicken luck part because it sounds better than just saying "Sorry about your bad luck!" LOL)

My Mom was not sure what to say to him so she told him she would let me know and I would e-mail him.

Well I think that anyone reading this blog right now knows that I am paying off HUGE "going blind is expensive" bills right now and him punching me in the side of the head probably didn't help my sight much, so if he thinks I am filing with him to make his life easier, he is totally crocked in the head. I want his life to be difficult. In fact, now that the marital debt is gone, I am tempted to go after him for half of the value of the car he took away from me. Seems fair, I had to buy one when he took it from me.

I realize that people might look down on me for this, or I could lose readers for this... but.. I kind of want him to suffer a little bit. For every punch, every slap, every kick, every time he stole my keys and my check card and my wallet and every time he embarassed me at church and every time he made yet another friend stop talking to me because he made them uncomfortable or treated them rudely, for every name he called me and for every single time I heard myself called bitch, moron, idiot and stupid, and for every candle he threw at me and for every piece of my parent's furniture and my personal property he destroyed, for every time he treated the cats like humans and me like a dog- I want him to suffer.

And I can honestly say that I can sit in front of a judge today and tell them that, without guilt or feeling bad or feeling like I am not taking the high road.

So the fact that he calls a week before court to tell my Mom that he has paid this bill- oh, he paid it two MONTHS ago- is not lost on me. You see, this is manipulation.

I have been a good little therapy student and I can now recognize that he waited this long to tell me and planned it for this week because he wants me to have good feelings towards him. He wants me to forget all of the bad things he did to me. He wants me to walk in to the court room with that old familiar "Oh he isn't that bad, maybe he has changed" thought running through my mind.

Well, the day one of my students lays a golden egg is the day he has changed. :P

So I send him an e-mailing explaining that I am unable to file jointly with him, because I already filed and paid them. I did not mention that when I wrote the check I also wrote "FREEDOM" because it was $426 worth of it. But just that I had already paid and that I hoped the cats were doing well.

Just the cats. I did not say that I hoped he is doing well because I really don't hope he is doing well. I hope he is doing horribly. I hope that he stays awake at night replaying every vile thing he ever did to me. He isn't, but I hope that he would.

Then today he calls my Mom again *okay, seriously, she has caller ID- I really find it beyond aggrivating that she takes his calls and my Dad just about freaks out every time he hears about it because he thinks that B is below the very scum of the earth, but I can't control her* and he tells her that I was mad at him in my e-mail and he doesn't understand why I am mad at him.

Um, you have a degree, you tell ME why I am mad at you.

Again, he is trying to manipulate me. If I had any money I would send my therapist flowers. I could not have gotten to this point without him.

So now, dear readers, you might think less of me. I can not believe I openly admitted that I really can not stand my STBX. But I think that it has been a long time coming for me. I really needed to let it out that yes, I truly can not stand him and I loathe him. I abhor him. And yes, it does make me happy to know that he is still out of work, poor and basically miserable. And he has no cable, thanks to me. Wow, I just laughed at that thought.

I promise you that I am not really a bad person. Two months ago I was still talking to him and he was telling me what to do and threatening me all the time, etc. He told me he would file a restraining order against me if I cancelled the cable in a house I hadn't lived in for 4 months, etc. I have just reached the point where I have zero sympathy for him. I used to have a lot of sympathy for him. Now I have none.

I think I need to feel that way heading in to court. If not, I fear I will not tell my whole side and he will get off once again without any consequenes.


  1. You go, girl!!! I'm so so proud of you for standing up to him and standing up for yourself and for recognizing his manipulative machinations for what they are. It's *okay* to feel so strongly about this. I don't think you will lose readers over expressing the anger that is rightfully yours. He put you through he**, and I'm glad you feel safe enough her to vent (and so glad that you are to the point that you can see him for what he is without that nagging sense of doubt). BIG hugs.

  2. I definitely don't think less of you for harbouring ill will for someone who treated you so terribly! Go to court with that confidence!