Monday, February 8, 2010

A bit depressed

Today is depressed day for me. Stuck at home for a snow day. We are expecting more snow tomorrow. I am a creature of habit and I don't like for my schedule to be out of sorts.

I have not spoken to my STBX since December 21st. I need to avoid watching shows like "The Bachelor" because they depress me. I feel like it would be nice to have someone be nice to me. Someone to see me and care for me on face value. Not someone who wants to constantly point out everything I have ever done wrong in my entire life. I find that exhausting. I wonder if love exists at all.

So I had my taxes done and I owe $400. I would get a refund back if I filed with my STBX. But I think it is worth the $400 not to have to talk to him.

I feel very empty right now. I ate terribly today. Candy, cola, junk. Perhaps that is coming out in how I feel right now. I also had a ton of fruits and veggies today, ironically enough. I am so strange sometimes.

I feel very alone. I don't like that feeling.


  1. You're working with a lawyer about your divorce, yes? Here's hoping you can get at least an additional $400 out of STBX.

    (For how he treated you, he should be left only enough money to live on clearanced ramen from the cheap stores.)

  2. I'm so sorry for you. I know all about loneliness. My own family doesn't have anything at all to do with me. They all drink and fight and it is a constant soap opera with them, so I'm better off. I used to wonder why God set me so apart from my family and my in laws lived 1,100 miles away, but it has made me draw close to him. I too used to feed on junk, trying to fill that empty space, but nothing can fill it like the Lord himself.