Thursday, November 12, 2009

You're kidding, right?

My life feels like a joke sometimes. Other times I wonder what I did wrong to be so punished? I feel punished sometimes. Today I do, anyway.

I was sick so I made an appointment with my doctor. As I was driving on the highway a ladder flung in to my car. My new car. I bought it because my husband took my other car from me. So it was new and it was actually mine and not his. And a ladder flew in to it and damaged the front. I can not afford to pay for it. I wonder if maybe I just do not deserve to have a nice car? It just seems that I have never had a nice car and when I finally got one, he took it from me, so I got one of my own, and then a ladder flings in to it.

Then I had to pay $75 for the medicine. I don't have $75 so I wont be able to pay someone out of my next pay check. I am praying for strength. I just don't know how I can get through this life anymore. I feel like every time I pull myself up I get knocked back down again. And I have to wonder what on earth I did to somehow earn this. The blindeness, the apnea, the thousands of dollars in bills that I can not pay. It is hard not to just curl up and die.

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