Tuesday, April 6, 2010

What it means to be dying.

Every night, like clockwork. Three A.M. I wake up in pain. My back hurts so bad. From the stress of carrying my body around all day, no doubt.

It occurs to me, painfully, that I am very young, yet I must be dying. My body will eventually give out on me. My heart will stop. I will not live too long if I weigh over 400 pounds, I feel as if that is not possible.

I hate that I can't stop eating. I hate that the compulsion to finish something is always there. I hate that I have no self control. I hate that I feel powerless over food. I hate that I am going to die younger than anyone ever expected.

1 comment:

  1. Do you have any money that you could invest in a personal trainer? I have one coming on Friday to start my "get in shape" program, and I am super excited to be working with a professional. He will cost me $90/hour, which I think is more than reasonable, he comes to me in my home to help. I plan to have him come every 4-6 weeks, whenever my program needs changing up a bit or if I am feeling discouraged and need a pick-me-up.

    Strength training is so important -- possibly even more-so than endless hours of Cardio. Muscle burns calories more than any other tissue in our body, so having a strong body will increase your metabolism. Having a strong body will also make it easier for you to move around and will reduce your fatigue. Since you are so out of shape, if you circuit train with your strength workout, then you are also pushing your heart and getting an excellent cardio workout at the same time, so with a strength workout you will get the best of both worlds. And with a simple investment of an exercise bench and a few key weights, you can do it all in the privacy of your own home without ever stepping outside your door.

    If you have the money, invest in a personal trainer. If you don't have the money, don't give up -- there are lots of ways to raise money. Borrow from a friend or relative, ask online friends for donations, go door-to-door and ask your neighbours to help you, etc.