Sunday, May 23, 2010

Eight years, two months and twenty eight days...

That is 3008 days spent in sorrow. Three thousand and eight days of having my wings pinned down. Being told I was not good enough. Being afraid to fly.

My little 291 days of freedom pales in comparison.

Yet my 291 days of freedom are more precious to me than 291 bricks of gold.

I made a decision today. I have decided not to die young. When I sat in the bedroom last year after being treated worse than a dog, I also made a decision. Then, I decided to kill myself. I got my affairs in order and I planned my death of choice. The only thing keeping me from doing it was to think of my students and how unfair it would be to them for me to commit such a selfish act.

A year ago I decided to die. Today, I decided to live.

Days are going to come to me, they are going to add up quickly. It wont matter if I am killing myself with food or fighting for a chance to live. The days don't care, they just pile up. So I want to live a life worthy of this journey. I have had far too many bad things happen to me to allow my life to be cut short before I even get to the good stuff!

I want the good stuff!

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