Tuesday, March 2, 2010


So I have decided that I am a Rockstar. I feel so good right now. I am on a total emotional high.

I feel like I can do anything right now. I won. I doubt my H is ever going to change. He will probably abuse the next girl he meets. I feel bad for her :0( I hope she doesn't take it as long as I did. But as for me, right now in this moment, I feel great.

And I deserve better. Not just in relationships, but for myself in general.

This morning showed me a lot of parallels in preparing for court and preparing for my wedding. Indulge me a little here ;)

I am sitting in my room and I am putting on makeup, my best perfume *and really, I never wear perfume so that says a lot right there*, panty hose, a totally awesome outfit, fixing my hair, putting on earrings and a necklace... even walking in with the same guy at my side- my Dad! It was kind of creepy how similar the two events were.

And I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought- yeah, I am fat, but I look nice!

And I really noticed a corralation *ugh, this is not coming up on spell check for me, I have no idea how to spell it* between trying to look nice and how I felt.

Except for the shoes. I was not feeling those shoes. If I want to start dressing nice, I have to get better shoes. These are "Wow I am going to a wedding and all I have are Crocs, oh, look, here are a pair of $2 black flats". They were super uncomfortable and I was always a split second away from falling on my face.

UPDATE: My STBX got his judgement, today marked 7 months of being abuse free AND my period stopped. All in the same day. Wow, talk about excitement! It was almost like my body knew and was waiting.

So anyway, the moral of this story is: Maybe I don't always have to look like crap. LOL

One thing I have always had going for me is the fact that I am spoiled. When I was with STBX I had money. I have a great wardrobe, even after downsizing it. I have so many nice things that I don't wear. Sure, the odds are good that I am going to get some things ruined by glue, paint and markers. But I either keep them looking great and in the closet and no one ever see it, or I wear it a few times and it gets ruined, but hey, at least I wore it!

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